What to Do If Women Don't Like You: Comment of the Week

Comment of the Week is back, and better than ever, with an intriguing response to my post “Women That Don’t Like You Don’t Exist”.

In that post, I make the point that women decide whether or not they would ever be sexually interested in you within seconds of meeting you.

While it’s occasionally possible to overcome this initial judgement with charisma, charm, or just luck, the odds of that happening are so rare, that’s it’s more efficient for most men to just move on to women that are already attracted to you, than to invest time trying to convince a woman who’s not interested to give you a chance.

For an average looking guy, you could find 5 women that are attracted to you upfront, in the same amount of weeks and months it would take to try to change the mind of a woman who just doesn’t like you like that.

Ironically, seeing you with other women is one of the only things that might work to sway a woman who is on the fence about you in the first place.

Anyway, I wrote about this at length in that post, just go read it: “Women That Don’t Like You Don’t Exist”.

I want to be honest with guys about the realities of interacting with women, not give people false hope that they can overcome a woman’s disinterest with the right rehearsed lines or techniques.

Sure it’s possible; it’s not likely.

There are better uses of your time.

That post inspired this week’s highlighted comment, from Paul:

In response to my assertion that men would be better off just leaving women alone, unless one of them expresses interest, Paul asks, “…since no woman has ever communicated interest in me, I should completely forget about women in general?”

Great question.

If you’re a guy who has had very little, or ZERO success with women, you might be wondering what to do next.

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably already heard about the importance of physical appearance in dating.

Women have unlimited choices in relationships, and despite what your mom will tell you, looks do matter.

If you look around the real world, it’s obvious that plenty of average, or even below average looking guys, have been able to successfully get in relationships with women.

Most people are somewhere in the bell curve of average, in relationships or marriages with other people that are also somewhere within the bell curve of average.

What to Do If Women Don’t Like You

Luckily, there are more factors at play in dating attraction than just raw looks.

In fact, most guys in this space who are obsessed with “looksmaxxing”, would be better off going to therapy, improving their social skills, and “personality-maxxing”, instead.

Women care about looks but a short, chubby guy who isn’t harboring a latent hatred of women has a better chance of getting a girlfriend than a dude with a Greek statue body, paired with the bitter, jaded personality that is common in men who spend too much time reading about how to get women. See my post “The Red Pill Is Killing Your Sex Life”.

If you’ve ever been to the gym on Friday and Saturday nights, they are often full of lonely bodybuilders with perfect abs, 3 plate bench presses- and no social life.

Guys want to work on their bodies more than their personalities, because it’s easier.

Anybody can go to the gym 3-4 times a week, lift with progressive overload, and eat at a slight caloric surplus, especially a single guy without much else to focus on.

Taking a long, hard look in the mirror, analyzing your social interactions (or lack thereof), and figuring out why your relationships with different people seem to always share similar a pattern- is much more challenging.

If you’re a somewhat decent looking man, yet you haven’t been able to find even one woman who will date you, it’s probably not your looks; it’s your personality.

Therapy

I came to a point in my life where I had to admit that most, if not all, of my social relationships seemed to follow the same script.

I got a lot of positive attention from women, on my looks, my style, my charisma.

People tend to like me a lot- at first.

As we got closer, I would usually begin to notice that warm rapport starting to crack.

My attempts at humor, or flirting, would be met with confusion, then strange looks, and ultimately, rejection.

I was stuck in a pattern where I would reflexively push people away when they tried to get close to me.

At that time, I was filled with fear of being rejected or abandoned, and haunted by the shame of not being able to stop.

I recognized the pattern, but I didn’t know how to break free of my toxic cycle.

I tried everything: hours of meditation, exploring every religion, reading stacks of books, spending thousands on coaching programs.

Each new strategy offered a small bit of relief, but didn’t address my whole problem.

Ultimately, I enrolled in an 18 month program of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

It’s as expensive as it sounds.

It was worth it.

DBT teaches a set of skills about how to manage and work through intense emotions, in healthy ways.

By learning how to understand my own emotions, I’m better at understanding the emotions of people in my life.

I’m a more considerate friend, a more patient and empathetic romantic partner, and just calmer and easier to get along with in general.

Therapy doesn’t magically fix everything.

In fact, I hated sitting on a couch whining about my childhood with another grown man.

However, the skills I learned in DBT dramatically improved the quality of my life and my relationships.

If you are having problems relating to other people, if you’re experiencing depression, lack of motivation, angry outbursts, or other negative feelings that are making your life suck, look into Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

I can’t recommend it enough.

Just Go Out More

If you’re not ready for therapy, or can’t afford it, your other option is to flat out raw dog it.

As in, force yourself to go out and talk to people, talk to women, flirt, ask girls out, and take every inevitable rejection as subtle feedback.

Approach this like a biologist in the jungle.

Try wearing different styles of clothes, different mannerisms, meeting women through friends, at a part time job, walking up to them on the street.

Most men’s problem with women is that they are online, talking ABOUT women, more than they are talking TO women, in real life.

Dating is challenging for a lot of reasons, so what.

If you’re a healthy man of reproductive age, you want to be getting laid, and having intimate relationships (not just sex) with women.

Figure it out.

If you try enough things, something will work.

A little at a time, you will improve your conversation, humor, body language, seduction skills, etc.

There’s enough information available on how to date and seduce women to turn even a robot into a ladies man. Read my post “3 Books To Massively Improve Your Sex and Dating Life”.

If you’re serious about overcoming this challenge in your life, you should read those books, implement the strategies they teach, and persist until you get results.

It’s a mixture of luck and skill.

Conclusion

It’s demoralizing to get little or no sexual attention from women.

If you are a guy who’s struggling with this, I can relate.

I’ve experienced dry spells in my own life where I opened my phone to ZERO new messages, an empty dating app inbox, no activity or interest from a single woman other my grandmother.

In fact, EVERY guy has.

It sucks.

However, if you look around, you know plenty of normal looking, average earning, regular guys in relationships with women.

Despite what every Red Pill podcaster preaches, plenty of regular guys are getting laid.

We didn’t stop trying. Neither should you.