The 5 Stages of Being A Pick Up Artist
In every man’s life, there comes a time when he learns about the magical idea of “game”.
Like a dehydrated Legionnaire, imagining the silhouette of an oasis on the dry, desert horizon, the vision of having some control over his romantic and sexual destiny is the answer to a lifetime of prayers.
For most men, relationships and women seem as daunting as navigating a vast, treacherous desert.
From the time a young man starts noticing girls, he realizes that, often, those girls aren’t noticing him.
Most of his interactions with women will be occasionally finding a girl that reciprocates his interest, with long stretches of rejection, celibacy, and having his attention and energy exploited in the “Friend Zone”, in between.
That’s why the prospect of “game” is such an enticing idea.
“…what if there really IS a way to make women fall in love with me?”, he hopes.
Finally!, an answer to all his struggles and heartbreaks with the fairer sex.
No more staring at his phone, willing the screen to light up with a returned text.
No more lonely Saturday nights wishing he was flirting on a date with a cute girl.
Energized, he dives in, headfirst, into the world of pickup, social dynamics, female evolutionary psychology, and armchair quarterbacking, known as “Game”.
In this post, we explore the 5 stages every man travels through as he tries his hand at Game.
Hope
Despite being a practitioner of social skills and pickup for several years, I’ve been honest about their harsh reality: It doesn’t work.
See my post, “Most Women Won’t Text You Back”
“Game” is just basic social skills (Be attractive, show value, create tension) applied specifically to romantic relationships.
What we call “dating strategy” is simply an understanding of the attributes that drive sexual attraction in women, and an attempt to push those buttons, in sequence, at the right time, and the right amount, to end up in bed with them.
Early pickup and game adherents studied the body language and behaviors of men that were naturally successful with women, then broke the dance down step by step, so they can be learned by anyone.
When I first learned that this was possible, I studied this stuff like I was obsessed.
See my post “3 Books to Massively Improve Your Dating and Sex Life”
Each book built upon the concepts in others, while delving into it’s own special niche of the dynamic.
After reading Atomic Attraction, by Chris Canwell, I shaved my head into a masculine bald cut, got my nose pierced, and completely changed my wardrobe.
I went from dressing like a basic, neat, but boring guy, to wearing better fitting, and more stylish clothes.
When interacting with women, I spoke more slowly.
I held masculine, seductive eye contact.
I was more playful and challenging.
The complete overhaul of my appearance and personality had a massive influence on the way women responded to me.
Women offered me more attention and compliments, and were more flirtatious and interested when I approached.
I went from failing completely on dating apps: zero or only very unappealing matches, to scoring more matches with cute, and some very attractive women, than I ever had before in my life.
2. Discouragement
I was amazed and excited that my diligent hard work had produced real results.
The new attention was a huge confidence boost.
However, I noticed that most of the time, the admiring comments and flirtatious banter… lead absolutely nowhere.
Often, a woman in a cafe or in a checkout line would open me, commenting that they liked my style, my hair, my gauged ear jewelry.
I would feel exhilarated.
We’d exchange light conversation, me making charming eye contact and playfully teasing, making my new female friend blush.
Thinking I had her on the hook, I’d go in for the kill.
I’d confidently make my move, repeating a textbook Corey Wayne line word for word: “…would you like to get together sometime… when are you free?”.
Suddenly, a woman who was all over me, would look surprised that I’d asked her out,“…Oh… I have a boyfriend…” . I’d walk away, feeling embarrassed that I had misread a situation that seemed like a slam dunk.
Even more frustrating, sometime women I approached would ACT interested when I proposed a date, “…I would LOVE that!”
Playing along, women who knew they weren’t interested in me, would give me their number,… but never text back when I reached out. See my post “Even When You Win With Women, You Lose”.
Compliments That Lead to Nowhere
In another phenomenon that puzzled me, women would OPEN a conversation, showering me with compliments, (I thought) hitting on me… when in reality they were just genuinely appreciating my clothes or my cologne.
When men compliment a woman, it’s because we’re sexually attracted to her.
By contrast, when women exclaim, “Omg, I LOVE your shirt! That’s a great color on you”, they are actually just appreciating the fashion.
90% of heterosexual men dress like colorblind four year olds: undersized t-shirts, oversized jeans, athletic shoes in every situation.
When women see a dude who looks straight and has some style, they’re genuinely excited, even if they’re married, lesbians, or would never sleep with you in a million years.
This shocked and frustrated me at first.
Women I Didn’t Want
Another disheartening problem was that when women WERE forward with their sexual interest, it was often women I wasn’t remotely attracted to.
As my chest, shoulders, and back grew wider and broader, from weight training and calisthenics,… so did the women who flirted with me.
The changes in my physique WERE attracting more women- just not the women I wanted.
I quickly learned that the type of women who care a lot about a man’s body, are typically older, and women who are far from fit themselves.
These women take pride in being able to seduce younger or fitter men.
Most 20s- 30s age women, who are healthy weight themselves, don’t care much about a guys body, as long as he’s not obese.
In this age group, women prioritize social status the highest.
getting in shape to get girls:
Women can appreciate an athletic, muscular frame, like swooning over Hollywood action heroes with ripped physiques, but most girls don’t really care.
Actors that portray superheroes in Marvel movies are ripped and jacked, to attract MEN to the theater.
You’ll notice that in movies made for women, for example Twilight, and 50 Shades of Grey, the male love interest is actually pale, weak, and skinny.
If a girl likes you, she’ll like that you’re in shape.
If she doesn’t, it won’t make a difference.
Looking good shirtless is only essential on dating apps, even then, it’s only the first step.
Unless she’s drunk on spring break, or a 45 year old divorcee’ just looking for some fun, a gym body really doesn’t move the needle all that much.
If you doubt this, walk through any mall or busy street in your city.
You’ll see lots of different guys with women: short guys, tall guys, handsome guys, not so handsome guys.
But most of the couples will be average looking dudes with average, skinny fat, or actually fat body types, with various types of women.
Men only THINK that women care as much about our bodies, as we do about theirs, and we are wrong.
Obviously, if you’re obese, that’s a negative, but beyond looking good in a t-shirt (broad back, chest, and shoulders, developed arms) and being relatively lean (around 18-15% body fat), women, in general, aren’t handing out extra points.
The extra effort it takes to be under 10% body fat, ripped like an underwear model, won’t help you with women, unless you like bigger girls or middle aged women who want to congratulate themselves on bedding a fit stud.
3. Renewed Resolve
Despite what game gurus preach, constant rejection DOES take a damaging toll on men’s emotional health.
It takes energy, effort, and money, to dress well, hang out at the popular local spots, and invest hours walking around, approaching women.
Going out approaching usually entailed a long string of interactions that ranged from getting shot down, to ones that seemed to go well,.. until the women I thought was the next love of my life refused to text back.
The compounded failures and frustrations is enough to wear any man down.
It’s not about being “tough”, “stoic”, or “sucking it up”.
Scientific studies show that the human brain experiences rejection is equally as painful as a physical injury.
It hurts to put yourself out there, again and again, only to get ghosted, blown off, and ignored.
Many guys go through the cycle of getting bored or worn out by constant rejections.
Women are picky, and most of them are already sleeping with one, or a few, other guys, before the aspiring Pickup Artist approached her anyway.
Fed up, he deletes the dating apps and pitches his copy of “The Mystery Method” into the trash… only to re-install the apps again, and fish the book out out of the wastebasket when he feels the craving for sex and companionship again.
Desperate, he doubles down “…things might be different this time…,” he thinks to himself.
Steeling himself, he resolves to try harder, go out more, approach more.
This cycle continues over and over:
-gets excited about game
-gets frustrated by constant rejection
-quits game
-resolves to try again,
until one of two things happen.
4. Lowered Expectations
The fourth stage of “Game” is when the aspiring PUAs realize that all the techniques and strategies they learned at $3,000 boot camps will only take them so far. See my post “Why I Dropped $3,000 On A PUA Boot Camp With Owen Cook”.
Even women with low SMV have high standards and are extremely picky.
With male thirst at an all time high, for multiple reasons most of us already understand, they are more selective than ever.
What we call “hypergamy” is really the innate human desire to take the best option available.
Both men and women have this trait.
The only problem is that women actually have the ability to BE with the “best option” available, even if it’s just casually, for a few late night hookups.
Guys are horny.
Additionally, plenty of men either don’t care who they sleep with, or actually PREFER less attractive women, for various reasons. (More on this in another post.)
It doesn’t matter what age, weight, body type, or attractiveness level you think a woman is, there are taller, more handsome, and more successful men than you in her DMs and approaching her at the gym.
To get to the point: most men have to take what they can get, even PUAs.
Game coaches sell a dream that most men won’t attain.
Women decide who they’re attracted to.
A man that has “self-impr00ved” as much as he can, memorized every cold approach opener, introduced himself to every woman he laid eyes on,… and STILL isn’t getting the type of women he’s attracted, to has every right to be disillusioned.
He bought a trumped up lie, and now has to deal with the sobering let down of reality.
Women only date what they perceive to be “up”.
A guy that isn’t successful with women (3-4 SMV) and works on himself for several years, can realistically get to average or slightly better than average (5-6).
At that point, the women he attracts will mostly be 1- 2 points BELOW his level.
In short, a man that works his butt off in his career, builds himself a social life, and sculpts a fit body in gym, to become a 6, will mostly be able to attract 3s and 4s.
“Better than nothing” I can hear some of you shrug.
But is it worth it?
Game practitioners end up dropping their standards to feel successful. “Pussy is pussy” is the biggest cope I’ve ever heard.
5. Acceptance
This final phase is when a man accepts reality.
Santa Claus isn’t real, the family dog wasn’t safely relocated to a farm in the countryside, and there are no magic lines, strategies, or techniques to make any woman you want fall in love with you. See my post, “Any Woman You Want?” Comment of the Week.
Women decide who gets dates, relationships, sex, marriage, etc., and who doesn’t.
You can INFLUENCE their decision, by being the most attractive version of yourself, but you have no actual control over what women do, or whether they text you back, or not.
When you see a man with a cute girlfriend, it’s because she happened to like something about him, and he managed to not mess it up.
That’s it.
Running around approaching 100s or 1000s of women can be fun, because at least it feels like you’re DOING SOMETHING, but you’ll wear holes in your shoes before you really get the dating life you were dreaming of.
Men can improve their fitness, finances, and social lives FOR themselves, not because they imagine women will drop to their knees their presence just because they lift weights or drive an expensive car.
In the Acceptance phase, men will settle down with the first lovable “few extra pounds” woman that will have him.
Any woman is better than lonely nights and constant rejection.
At this point, men either settle down into a relationship, or go MGTOW, which is really just a man that doesn’t pursue women.
You don’t have to “Go Your Own Way” as a man.
If you leave women alone, they won’t even notice, and if they do, they’ll appreciate it.
Conclusion
Self-improvement is a way to create a life that you truly want for yourself.
Create the body you desire, the career or business you dream of, and (with luck) a social life that makes you happy.
The one factor you will never be able to control, at the time of this writing, is whether women choose you or not.
You can become the perfect, handsome guy with the great job, shiny sports car, all your ducks in a row,… and (some) women will choose a broke skateboarder over you.
Don’t base your self-worth on whether or not women will sleep with you.
Society is never going back to a time where every man can get a pretty wife, stable job, 3 bedroom house, and 2 week vacation a year, with zero effort.
Being funny, confident, and interesting will help, with women that are already interested in you.
Other than that, “game” is just a dream.
-Chance