Life Without Friends?
I’ve read a lot of advice online about how to make friends.
As I’ve written in several previous posts, I’ve often really needed help in this area.
If you’re reading this, you might be in a similiar position.
Every word of the “How to Make Friends LOL!” advice online is trite banalities that don’t actually work, at least not for the types of maladapted souls who would be online looking for advice on something that comes as naturally as breathing to most people.
All terminally online social outcasts, such as ourselves, have already heard of smiling, volunteering, and Meetup.com.
The well intentioned normies, who haven’t experienced massive social frustration their entire lives, can stop writing blog posts about them now.
In this post, I’ll explore how I created an exciting, adventurous, FUN life for myself, without a smiling circle of conventionally attractive buddies like in a 90s sitcom.
1. Do Exciting Things
There’s probably an entire list of adventures you would love to explore, that you haven’t yet.
Stop waiting for someone else (who may or may not ever come along) to do them with.
Just go.
Make it your purpose in life to pursue interests in EVERYTHING that excites you: seeing live music, enrolling in martial arts classes, racing go karts, driving exotic cars, jumping out of airplanes.
This ISN’T the same old “Get a hobby 🤓” advice.
I’m not telling you to join a birdwatching club, just to say you did. (Although that sounds interesting tbh)
I’m IMPLORING you to remember that there’s tons of enjoyable, fascinating things you can do in life, whether you make a ton of friends, or even just one friend, or none at all.
Having friends can be gratifying, but you have zero control over whether you meet any.
Even if you do meet friends, they will often frustrate or disappoint you.
They may lie, gossip about you behind your back, or ask for favors they never reciprocate.
Your life is happening RIGHT THIS SECOND.
You don’t need anyone else to enjoy it.
Some of the cool things I’ve done this year, completely solo, are:
Race go karts
Attend my first professional rugby match
Seeing a Broadway legend perform with the Utah Symphony
Cheering on the local baseball team for my first game ever
Ride my motorcycle around a little known island in Utah
Hike to the tops of several of the tallest peaks in my state
You probably won’t meet the love of your life, or your new best friend, but you will get your blood pumping, adrenaline rushing, and find a huge smile spreading across your face as you try a new experience, or re-discover a forgotten passion.
2. Take Yourself on Dates
This is the one piece of advice in this post that may change your life.
At some point, I realized that I was hyper-focused on meeting women and dating, in part, because I felt bored in my day to day life, and I wanted to have something to get excited about.
I would hear about new restaurants, interesting events, and concerts by intriguing artists.. then immediately think I needed to find a date to justify going.
This is was a frustrating process, as I found meeting (cute) women to be not only time consuming, but difficult, even when I was good at it.
Getting matches is hard, getting dates is hard, getting women to actually show up when they say they will is almost impossible.
Eventually I realized I was never going to be able to control what women, or anyone else, does.
I decided to focus on what I could control, creating a fun life for myself, filled with exciting things I like to do.
I look through online calendars of local events, and plan to attend the events I’m interested in: off Broadway performances, sports games, live comedy, music, etc.
I also schedule massages, day trips, nights at the movies.
I fill in my calendar with important and interesting dates.
It’s exciting, and it feels great to have things to look forward to.
Doing cool things makes me feel cool. I’m filled with pride for making the best of my time on Earth.
3. Get Close to Your Family
If you have siblings, cousins, your parents, or grandparents still around, consider yourself lucky.
Life is short, roughly only 80 years on average in the US, and it can end abruptly, at any moment.
If you have at least one family member that you get along well with, begin a habit of reaching out to them regularly, once a week, or once a month, and nurture a relationship with them.
Remember important events, send birthday cards, hit them up with a text to let you know you’re thinking about them.
One thing to remember: don’t feel entitled to receiving an equal amount of attention back.
People with partners and children often feel overwhelmed by the demands of their own daily lives.
While many loved ones and friends will be happy that you took the effort to reach out, don’t hold your breath waiting for them to return the favor, and don’t allow yourself to feel angry if they don’t.
Feel good about the fact that you’re doing something that makes you feel good.
Don’t hold on to expectations of how others should respond.
4. Get Really Good At Your Job
One benefit of having fewer relationships, is enjoying a wealth of free time.
Outside of work, an unattached person can do anything they can dream of (See my post, “Bachelors Can Live Completely Different Lives Than Married Men”).
Capitalize on all that sweet freedom by becoming excellent at your job.
Get every certification in your field. Finish your studies, and pursue an advanced degree.
Work overtime and extra shifts, leap up the career ladder two and three steps at a time.
There’s nothing holding you back.