Your Lane Is Your Lane

Despite the dreams being sold in the “Self-Impr00vement” space, I’m slowly starting to understand that most men aren’t going to dramatically improve the type of women they can organically attract, through simply lifting weights and making money.

I’ve said this many times, in many different ways, over the past several years.

As a man, you there is a level, and probably even a distinct type, of woman, who is naturally attracted to you.

If you pulled nerdy, slightly chubby, gamer girl brunettes in your young adult years, you’re probably not going to gymmaxx your way into seducing bikini models, or high cheekboned, well-bred, Ivy League professionals, or heavily tatted and pierced punk rock groupie types.

When you look back at your dating history, you will almost certainly see patterns and trends of the type of woman who will usually go for you, and even the type who will openly pursue you.

I’m willing to bet that the typical women that are interested in you is different from the women you’d ideally be dating and sleeping with, or you wouldn’t be reading this.

Your lane is your lane.

Best case scenario, you might (occasionally) get lucky, and match with someone slightly out of your league on a dating app.

If you are able to sustain her attention long enough to build a conversation, then direct that momentum into an IRL meeting, or two, it’s extremely challenging to hold it together long enough to not fumble completely.

Not to beat a dead horse, but in the era of dating apps and Instagram, women have a lot of options, and it’s almost impossible for any one man to be the best one she has available.

Gymmaxxing, haircuts, clothes, cologne, tattoos, an impressive career, and a hot sports car, etc., are all things you should pursue, because you want them.

None of that will really change the type, or level of women you can get.

All that really changes is those women’s level of interest in you.

I’ll say it like this:

If you’ve had relationships with women, from one night stands, to live in girlfriends, or even been married, most of those women are roughly a similar level of attractiveness, especially in relationship to you.

If you’ve been single long enough, you might have punched above your weight (only slightly), one or two times, max. See my posts “One Night Stand With A Sexy Latina” and “Solitary Beast Fumbles His Dream Girl, Part One.”

By sheer chance, you may occasionally bring home a sultry Mexican woman, 15 years younger than you, or seduce a sophisticated professional in her mid-30s while being an industrial manager in your early 40s, as I have.

Fitness, social skills, confidence, money, and nice homes ATTRACT these types of women.

However, keeping them around is a whole other story, and for that, you have a level that you will rarely exceed.

The situation that happens most often, in my experience, is that the type of women who would have been attracted to you anyway, will be just be more attracted to you, work a little harder to keep your interest, be a little more eager to meet up for dates and sex.

For me, fit and athletic at 42, this looks like women in their early 40s, who are also fit and reasonably attractive, matching and messaging me first on dating apps, asking if I’m single and inviting themselves over in person, etc.

Not hot, younger women.

I’ve written extensively that younger women are not going to throw themselves at you, just because you have abs and a nice car in your 40s.

It happens extremely rarely, mostly to celebrities and famous multi-millionaires, then regular guys on the internet think that will happen to us. (Occasionally it might).

I’m still accepting and processing the fact that, since I’ve turned 40, most of my Hinge and Bumble matches are women in their 40s.

They are not terrible looking, but still.

Like a lot of men, I was convinced that if I stayed fit, confident, and successful, I would be spared the agony of having to date women my same age.

And that I’m lucky to be getting those matches and dates.

Most guys on don’t get any.

Conclusion

In summary, my point is that you’re (probably) not going to looksmaxx your way into way more attractive, and higher quality women than you have always been able to get.

Looks/gym/moneymaxxing, etc., only take a man who’s not getting ANY attention, into someone who can get a few matches and dates, and probably not with the kinds of women he ideally desires.

After that intial hump, most of the women he meets will still be in that general lane.

However, better looks, money, a nice car, whatever, will raise those women’s attraction to him, so he’ll get treated better, easier sex, better cooperation, women asking him on dates, or making the first move (which is happening to me now), and that is pretty nice.

Looks and youth aren’t everything.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself.