Everything Is Your Fault
It’s easy to succumb to the fantasy that anything that happens to you, in your entire life, could ever be the result of someone’s actions.
This fantasy allows us to shirk responsibility, absolve ourselves of guilt, and point a finger rather than taking a cold, hard look in the mirror.
In reality, however, the buck always stops with you.
At some point, in any situation, you had the option to move differently, seek advice from a mentor, take steps to prevent what happened, or simply remove yourself from the situation entirely.
Taking Responsibility
Taking responsibility for everything that happens to you is empowering.
If, every time some unexpected problem arises, or unwanted outcome unfolds, you force your chest out, shoulders back, and admit, “This is MY fault”, you’ll not only feel better, but you’ll start thinking of ways you can handle the situation better next time.
The main reason why you want to admit that everything is your fault, is because it’s true.
Your car breaks down, the water heater explodes, a woman stops returning your messages.
Someone who doesn’t understand the power of taking responsibility would reveal their lack of agency by shrugging, “..it just happened. It’s not my fault”.
The self responsible person sees adversities and mishaps as opportunities.
One of the most common ways guys do this is with women.
As Captain Jean-Luc Picard said, “It is possible to commit no errors, and still lose".
However, it’s way more likely that men made a ton of subtle, seemingly innocuous mistakes, that decreased a woman’s attraction toward them, and ultimately lead to the guy getting rejected.
Rather than take an honest look at his own actions, the guy absolves himself of any liability. In doing so, he forfeits a golden opportunity to learn from his mistakes, and improve.
Over-pursuing
The #1 way that most men ruin budding relationships, with women that were attracted to them at first, is by over-pursuing.
Over-pursuing is the act of texting a woman a little (or a lot) too much.
When men commit this mortal sin, they ruin the most important aspects of seduction for a woman: mystery and anticipation.
According to Coach Corey Wayne, this is because men tend to fall in love much, much faster than women do. (Read my post, “3 Books to Massively Improve Your Dating & Sex Life").
A typical man can take one look at a woman: her hair, eyes, body, smile, etc., and have an instant reaction of interest.
If he speaks to the woman, and she’s the slightest bit friendly to him, or open to his advances, a man can feel overwhelmed with emotion and attraction, on the spot.
Of course, a woman can feel immediate sexual attraction, but she often will need more information about a guy before she will really become emotionally invested in him.
Women’s feelings tend to move MUCH slower than the man in this respect.
Attraction happens in an instant, but it can take a woman weeks or months to feel the level of intense excitement that a man can generate in seconds.
The secret to mitigating this is to hold back, be mysterious, and let the woman wonder about you.
When men text a woman all day, ESPECIALLY if the man is the one initiating most of the texts, they sabotage the woman’s attraction toward them, even if she was very interested in the beginning.
Women need time and space away from the guy, to think about him.
When a man and woman are in constant contact, there’s no space for attraction to grow and blossom.
Many men don’t realize this fundamental difference between the sexes, and end up ghosted or rejected, wondering what went wrong.
Talking About The Future
Another big mistake is talking about the future with a woman, before she has brought it up.
Overwhelmed with emotion, men will have already decided that a woman is the girl of their dreams, on the first date. (See my posts “Solitary Beast Fumbles His Dream Girl, Part 1 & 2).
At the same time, the woman might feel a simple curiosity or interest in the guy.
Any mention of the “relationship”, even getting together again, will be a turn off to most women.
She would rather you not say anything, and give her the space to wonder where the relationship is going, even if you are interested in her at all.
Over-Validating
The third big sin that men do is giving too many compliments to women.
Again, the root of this problem is that when a man feels a high level of attraction toward a woman, he can become overwhelmed with emotion.
What makes this 100 times worse, is when the woman indicates that she is also interested.
For a lot of men, myself included, the feeling of being very attracted to a woman, who is also very attracted to you, is a relatively rare occurence, something that mostly happens in our fantasies.
Most of us can meet women that we are only mildly attracted to (if at all), either IRL or online.
However, the majority of men simply don’t get a lot of opportunities to be with women we are REALLY feel a high level of passion and interest toward. (This is why I have recommended sugar dating to men that can afford it.)
Dating, as a man is like going out to dinner, but you don’t get to order for yourself, or even pick the restaurant.
You’re lucky to be eating at all.
A lot of men don’t even get an opportunity to sit at the table.
So in the rare instances where a woman you like, also likes you, it’s totally natural to feel like you’ve won the lottery.
In excitement, you breathlessly tell her how much you like her, how pretty she is, and how happy you are to be with her.
This is an extreme turn off to women.
As a man, you would feel flattered if a woman gave you a lot of compliments, and validated her interest in you.
For women, this feels creepy, repellent, and unattractive.
Conclusion
Communicating with women, in a way they like, is counter-intuitive for many men.
You essentially have to do THE OPPOSITE of everything you logically think would work to make women like you and be attracted to you.
Instead of telling her how much you like her, let her WONDER about your feelings toward her.
Instead of admitting that you see a future with her, let her feel the UNCERTAINTY and mystery of waiting to see what will happen.
Instead of being in daily contact, be MYSTERIOUS, by giving her the space to think about you.
Obviously, there’s thousands of other ways to turn women off, and drive them away.
Human beings are picky, and frankly, any even remotely attractive woman has hundreds of men trying to be with her every second of the day.
She doesn’t have to put up with anything she doesn’t like, from guys that mess up.
The younger and prettier she is, the more she understands this, and the quicker you will get bounced if and when you make mistakes.
Your options are to do better next time, or opt out completely.