Dating, Post “Dream Girl”

Just a few weeks ago, I connected with a slim, mid-30s woman on a new dating app.

She was my first “like”, in the first few minutes after I downloaded the platform.

I was still adding photos and bio information when we connected.

(Not the first time that has happened.)

A brief glance at her profile deemed her acceptable for my standards.

“First match within minutes of making a profile”, I smiled to myself.

“Guess I still got it”

Still Got it

Now 41, I have a thumbnail sized patch of white hairs coming in on the corner of my chin.

It adds contrast to the jet black of the rest of my trimmed stubble, and a look of sophistication to my youthful face.

My maturing hairline is ever more “maturing” than “hairline”.

Yet I still manage to connect, and date attractive, often much younger women, from dating apps.

This summer, I have been out with a handful of women, ages 25 (a cute, somewhat chubby Latina), through 36 (the sexy, sophisticated professional that sent me into a 6 month long emotional tailspin).

I wrote about the latter in “Solitary Beast Fumbles His Dream Girl”.

It’s exciting to discover that women still find me appealing, although I must admit I feel increasingly embarrassed that I haven’t yet been able to keep any of the ones I like around very long.

I’m noticing a pattern of getting too attached, far too quickly, to women I feel a very high level of attraction toward.

My emotions are either full steam ahead, 10/10 fully engaged, or I’m simply not that interested, and I feel uninspired.

The Other Doctor

Back to my new love interest.

The lone photo on her profile was a silouhette of her full body, inverted into a graceful upside down yoga pose.

I could only see her face in profile.

The photo tastefully displayed her elegant dancers frame.

I recognized the posture from my own practice.

“Nice feathered peacock pose”, I stated simply.

She responded quickly.

“I love yoga for stress relief, and self-care”, she confided.

Flirting playfully, she continued, “…You look like you take very good care of your body as well…”

My main photo, which garners the most compliments, is a simple selfie.

In it, I show off a post workout pump, looking vascular and athletic in the gym bathroom mirror.

Women claim to hate gym selfies on dating profiles, but I receive constant compliments whenever I employ them.

“…Are you hitting on me already”, I teased.

My frame was playful, relaxed, and confident.

She fired back within seconds:“Of course I am. Look at you” with a winking emoji to emphasize her flirtatious tone.

The game was on.

Setting the Date

I thanked my new match for her gracious compliment, grinning at my phone from ear to ear.

The dopamine rush of a new connection flooded my brain.

Seizing the opportunity to end on the high note, I explained I needed to turn in for the night.

“I have an early morning at work tomorrow, so I need to head to bed… I’d love to chat more later.”

“Have a good night.”, I added, before logging off.

A few days later, she picked up the conversation.

“Hey! how was your weekend… what do you do that has you waking up early on a Saturday morning?”

I was happy to hear from her.

A slim woman in her mid 30s has unlimited options in men vying for her attention on any dating app.

I was pleasantly surprised that she remembered me, out of her probably dozens of other matches, and wanted to continue chatting.

Opportunity had knocked, and I kicked down the door.

“It’s kinda complicated actually…

It would be easier to explain in person… would you like to get together sometime?"

Her response was quick, as usual, and simple, “I’d like that”.

We set a time and place to meet for coffee, and a walk in a scenic nearby park, at sunset, later that week.

It was a date.

The evening of our appointment, I showered after work.

I wore a simple Cuban link gold chain, a spritz of a woodsy cologne, slacks, and a floral athletic fit golf shirt that showed off my fledging biceps and broad shoulders.

As a trail runner, and naturally lean person, my physique is more “Fight Club” than mass monster.

I get the most compliments from attractive women when I’m lean and ripped, than when I’m bigger, but not as ripped.

Thirty minutes before the start of our rendezvous, I threw a leg over my motorcycle, kick started it to life, and rode away to meet my next new fling.

I arrived a little early, and grabbed a chair on the patio of the Starbucks adjacent to the big, leafy park where we had agreed to meet.

Most women love when a man “takes charge and plans the date”.

I had simply asked, “Would you like to get together” and “When are you free?”

My date provided her availability.

Then I continued,“How about a very casual vibe check: coffee and a walk in a gorgeous park, around sunset?”

Since my heartbreaking experience getting too drunk, and ruining things with an amazing woman that I really liked, I no longer drink on dates.

In fact, since that evening (described in Part 2 of "Solitary Beast Fumbles His Dream Girl”, I have barely consumed alcohol at all.

The experience of screwing up the opportunity of a lifetime, with a one in a million woman, turned me off to drinking completely.

All my dates since then have been late afternoon walks in the park, over coffee or tea.

Frankly, a cocktail in a trendy, understated bar, which my previous go to, is a more romantic date.

It feels more sophisticated, more intimate, more charged with sexual tension.

However, since traumatizing myself with my own bad behavior, I have erred on the side of caution.

I waited only a few minutes for my companion to arrive.

She recognized me right away and waved as she walked up.

I stood to hug her.

“Hey, good to see you”, I wrapped my arms around her slender frame.

On dates, I always greet women with a hug, and I always say “Hey, how are you?” or “Hey, it’s great to see you”.

The hug and casual greeting create the feeling that we already know each other.

The “touch barrier” has been breached.

It takes away the potential awkwardness of a stiff handshake and saying “…uh,, nice to meet you…”.

I lean back in my chair, relaxed and comfortable.

Someone looking at us from across the room might assume that we have been dating for months, already comfortable with closeness and physical affection, which is exactly how I want my date to feel.

Within moments, I notice women’s body language relax.

They’ll smile warmly, and breathe a sigh of relief.

I simply ask questions, “So, how was that meeting with your boss…?”, and listen attentively.

As my match approached me that evening, I finally had a good look at her face.

She wasn’t un-attractive: strawberry blonde, 5’6, and very slim, almost bony.

When I hugged her, I felt the sharp angles of her shoulders poke me through her light sweater.

Her face was plain.

I felt disappointed that she wasn’t as pretty as I’d hoped.

I didn’t feel overwhelmed with attraction, as I had when I met “Brittany” from my “Dream Girl” post.

She looked like she could be cute with a little effort in makeup, and a more flattering hairstyle.

“At least she’s not fat”, I shrugged to myself.

I learned that she was a new doctor in her first fellowship at the hospital right across the street.

That’s why she looked tired.

As a busy doctor with a demanding schedule, she simply didn’t have a lot of time to put herself together with all the frills some women take pride in.

However, she was easy to talk to, showed off a quick sense of humor, and had cleared her schedule for the evening to hang out with me.

We chatted for a bit at the coffeeshop table, then started off to explore the park.

She had never visited this park before.

I was excited to show her the dramatic mountain views, the creek where families of ducks swim, and the leafy trails that feel like you’re in the middle of a forest, instead of a busy city.

My date was interesting, and of course, highly intelligent.

She was new to the area, from a city on the other coast.

We chatted about work, and her experiences on the app.

She asked me questions, about my work, my hobbies, what I was looking for in dating.

We seemed to be on the same page.

I realized I liked her, and would be interested in seeing her again.

We wound through the leafy paths, watched hummingbirds hover in the reeds along the stream.

The conversation was light and pleasant.

We had a lot it common: yoga, skiing, similar experiences on dating apps.

My date teased me playfully, her eyes twinkling.

It seemed to be going well.

I didn’t feel blown away.

It was a lovely walk on a pleasant summer evening.

I didn’t feel sparks, fireworks, or shooting stars.

I missed Brittany more than ever.