Get The Girlfriend You Want In Your 40s: Ask Yourself These 5 Esoteric Questions
Decide how important it is to you
You’ll find it easier to stay committed to your plan if you know in advance that sharing your life with a romantic partner is a big deal for you.
Building relationships of any kind, as a busy adult, requires more intentional effort, more flexibility, and more patience than it might have in your earlier adulthood.
In your 20s, you were often surrounded by other young, attractive, single people with plenty of free time on their hands.
In your 40s, you’re competing with work meetings, personal appointments, family commitments, and kids for women’s time.
It’s gonna take some work.
Before you embark on this journey , decide upfront if being in a romantic relationship is an important goal for you, and to what degree.
On a scale of 1- 10, assign a value to your level of desire to be in a relationship.
If it’s not 8 out of 10 or higher, you’re probably not committed enough to stick with a level of effort required to achieve your result.
Even the best advice won’t work if you don’t apply it.
Decide how much time you can commit to pursuing a relationship
If it’s a priority of 8 or higher, decide in advance how much time you have to dedicate to dating.
I recommend assigning 2 evenings per week for socializing: 1 general hobby- training boxing, climbing, hiking, bowling, 1 hobby specifically to meet women: dance, yoga, pottery, etc.
Describe your ideal girlfriend
In each of these 4 main areas, list 3-5 qualities that you would want your ideal partner to possess
-Physical Characteristics: tall, short, petite, thin, curvy, athletic, muscular, large breasts, whatever.
-Personality Traits: funny, serious, extraverted/ introverted, spontaneous, adventurous, etc.
-Environmental Traits: children/ childless, age, education level, career, life setup
-Dealbreakers: kids/ young kids, caring for an aging parent, obesity, health issues, massive debt, etc.
What type of relationship do you want?
In 2025 and beyond, you have more options in this category than ever before. More women than ever are at least open to conversations about non-monogamy in various forms: polyamory, “ethical non-monogamy”, etc.
Do you want an LTR, living together, marriage, and children, or van life, traveling the country in the country, doing Youtube content?
Decide what style of relationship you are interested in at this time.
What would excite you, thrill you, really fulfill your fantasies? Not saying this will happen, but it provides a north star in your journey.
Create A Strategy
The best strategy for attracting and dating the girlfriend for you want is combining dating apps and a fun life with social hobbies, that provide a lot of IRL opportunities to connect with people.
Hobbies give you a way to express yourself, explore your interests, and meet new friends. I’ve written about this before. Your lifestyle is a big selling point on being able to attract the type of woman you want to meet.
If you decided you want to attract active, athletic women, then high end gyms, MMA classes, and yoga will be target rich environments.
If your taste is more introverted, intellectual girls, you should find lectures, museums, bookstores, etc. in your area that women like that frequent.
As obvious as this seems, many guys won’t take the simple action of simply GOING TO places that the type of women they are attracted to would be.
You probably won’t meet your ideal woman at a trail race, improv comedy class, or boxing gym (although you might).
The hobbies you choose are for you first and foremost, and second to help you build an attractive life that your ideal woman would want to become a part of.
And for photo ops for your dating app profiles.
An effective strategy that I used to meet attractive women is to go out twice a week (dance and yoga classes, volunteering, etc.) and profiles on at least two dating apps.
The majority of modern relationships begin on dating apps.
Don’t believe the hype about the “top whatever percent” of guys that can’t get matches on dating apps.
Most of them aren’t even trying.
With an active social life, and a dialed in dating profile, you will start to meet interesting, attractive, available women.
Date a few, then pick the best one. Job done.
Conclusion
Everything starts with your decision to get this handled, and flows from that point.
In your 40s, you’re not surrounded with hot young singles like your college days.
There are still plenty of attractive women around who would love to date you.
It’s simply going to take more effort and more intention to find them than earlier in life.
When I met my girlfriend, it was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Years of effort: lifting weights, reading books about seduction and relationships, hours swiping, boring conversations, and dates that were over before they started… finally paid off.
A happy relationship is a fun, fulfilling, and valuable part of life.
There’s no getting around the fact that humans were designed to experience connection and love. If you’ve read this far into the article, you understand how much it will mean to you to find the love of your life.
You may meet your ideal woman that becomes your girlfriend in the first month of your search. It may take 6 months, or longer.
As you experience life, meet women, go on dates, and inevitably make mistakes, you will be constantly growing as a person.
The lessons you gain from dating women that aren’t your ideal match are helpful for you to understand what qualities you want, and don’t want, in a woman.
I had met many women who weren’t a good fit, that I knew instantly that my girlfriend had potential to be the one for me.
I put in the work and found a sexy, smart funny woman who is my dream partner in almost every way.
She’s cooking me dinner tonight.
I wish the same for you. Good luck
