The Loner Is A Loser
The self proclaimed “loner” is a loser’s position in life.
If the loner, lone wolf, or “introvert”, is honest with himself, he’ll acknowledge that living a life of exile from the social world of other human beings, wasn’t his idea.
People become “loners” after repeated, failed, attempts to assimilate into society.
Like all other human beings, the loner craves the warmth of human connection.
Humans have always existed in tribes.
It’s in our deepest biological nature to relate to other people, meeting their emotional needs, and (if we’re lucky) having them meet ours.
The self-identified loner has tried to integrate into a tribe, usually many times.
After each failed mission, the loner recalibrates.
He watches hours of YouTube videos on “how to make friends”.
He reads stacks of books on emotional intelligence.
Determined, he ventures back out into world, to implement the new strategies he’s learned.
he grows increasingly frustrated.
Finally, the would-be social butterfly accepts his fate.
He retreats from society, discouraged.
He logs into Youtube, and gets lost down the rabbit hole of black pill, socially isolated, loser mindset content.
Ironically, these self-identified “loners” are still seeking community.
Instead of finding it with real humans, in the real world, they find brotherhood in commiserating about their collective problems online.
When I started Solitary Beast, now ChanceBerryman.com, I was frustrated, socially isolated, and struggling to connect with others.
Social interaction looks easy, to people that “get it”, but to those of us who aren’t naturals in social skills, the intricate dance of human socialization can seem like a complicated play, in a language we don’t understand.
Three years after starting Solitary Beast, I rebranded the blog to a pen name.
My goal was to de-emphasize identification with the label of “introvert”, “loner”, or “solitary” person. I spoke about this decision in this episode of the Chance Berryman podcast, “You’re Not An Introvert”.
In summary, while I feel some solitude can be a powerful way to understand yourself, seek spirituality, and find answers… ultimately, a lifestyle of solitude is unhealthy.
Even for people who enjoy solo time, isolation is damaging.
In fact, 2019 research by the US National Institute on Aging shows loneliness to be linked to a list of health problems like heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, and even death.
We need to connect with others, even when we risk being misunderstood, hurt, or rejected.
Once I decided that I needed to continue building and growing relationships, for my own sanity, I was able to look objectively for ways to improve socially, minimize rejection, and bring people into my life.
Mindset Shifting
This mindset shift changed everything.
Improving my social skills became a dragon that I had to slay.
It’s an objective, like anything else I’ve ever done, such as writing a book, starting a successful business, and getting in great shape.
When I wrote my book, “30 Dangerous Ideas For Men In Their 30s” (now available on Amazon Kindle), I had never written a book before.
Now available on Amazon Kindle
I didn’t know how to structure a book, how to discipline myself to write 20,000+ words, how to publish it to a major e-commerce site, or how to promote my work.
But I knew I could learn.
Anything that other people have learned how to do, I can do, and so can you.
If we wanted to learn to perform open heart surgery, fly an airplane, or speak Russian- I am 100% confident that myself, and anyone reading this, could figure it out, if we wanted to.
When I approached tasks from this perspective, I feel powerful.
I can do it if I want.
I know it’s going to take work.
If it was easy, EVERYONE would do it.
When considering the extensive consequences of loneliness: depression, anxiety, heart disease, and death, our happiness and health is worth the fight.