Don't Be Good to Her, Be Better Than Her
when you find opportunities in your life to be good to women you’re dating, for example: romantic gestures, chivalrous acts, kind deeds, etc....
- stop yourself.
your natural male reaction to having feelings for a woman is to treat her well.
gifts
cards
flowers
candy
spontaneous trips
a special dinner on her birthday.
This will backfire.
If you’re reading this, I would bet money that you have, at some point in your life, invested time and energy into woman, only to get blown off while she chases her “narcissist” ex that cheated on her relentlessly.
You’re left scratching your head in confusion.
you tried to do everything right, checking all the little boxes of “love languages” and “green flags” that women claim are important.
Still, you feel mystified.
…Why would a seemingly intelligent, rational woman reject a decent guy that cared about her (you), to go get mistreated by a guy that obviously cares nothing about her?
the answer lies in my carefully crafted title.
women don’t want you to be “good” to them.
It means nothing, and doesn’t move the needle in terms of building her attraction towards you.
If anything, it turns her stomach.
in western society, girls and women are used to special treatment and getting their asses kissed.
total strangers will give up their seat, hold doors, flirt, compliment, and perform heroic acts, treating women like royalty, just for existing.
when you show up, holding a bouquet of roses, you look like every other clueless guy that “just doesn’t get it”.
we’ve had dating coaches, The Rational Male, and social media long enough to see what attributes women are attracted to in men (so-called “fuckboys”), yet for some reason the majority of men choose to deny observable reality.
Rather than face the truth, and adapt, such men cling to a fairy tale about who women really are, and what they actually want.
she doesn’t know what she wants; she wouldn’t tell you anyway
some frustrated guys will roll their eyes in exasperation.
“Why don’t women just tell men what they want?!”
Why don’t deer just walk out of the forest and present themselves to hunters waiting in the bushes?
Why don’t fish just jump into the nets of waiting fishermen, instead of making him wake up before dawn, drive hours to his secret fishing hole, and wait shivering and soundless on the cold water, praying to catch something?
Because that’s not how life works, that’s why.
Female sexual attention is the most valuable resource on Earth, after oxygen and water.
Women know this, and as a result, they know they don’t have to “just do” anything.
the fundamental principle of female sexuality is hypergamy.
in other words, looking for “a come up”.
she’s constantly evaluating and assessing men, disqualifying men that prove themselves unworthy, continuing to test, evaluate, and assess men who pass through the initial stages of the vetting process.
women judge men on their genetic fitness (attractiveness, height, and athleticism)
ability to provide (wealth or access to wealth)
social status (fame or popularity within a tribe)
and most important, pre-selection (having hoes and/or showing that a lot of other women like you)
A guy that leads with sweetheart gestures is like a schoolboy writing love notes to his first crush.
It seems heartfelt from the guy’s perspective, however, this naive behavior shows a woman, unequivocally, that you are NOT pre-selected by other women.
A man that has his choice with plenty of other women would know better.
As a result, the sappy guy gets dumped.
Women can’t just come out and say this.
For one, women are often terrified of being judged as “low value”, by other women.
Second, even the most self-aware woman would be loathe to admit this, even to herself.
Finally, giving undeserving men the cheat codes that attractive men just know would defeat the point.
be better than her
being good to women does nothing but force her to see you as weak, clueless, and not even intelligent enough to look around and see real life with your own eyes.
so what does work?
what “works” in creating attraction with women, is setting the frame that you are BETTER than her, especially in the specific ways that the individual woman finds important
women measure “value” in dozens of ways, based on their upbringing, their priorities, their cultural background, even their age.
it’s almost impossible to tell what a woman prioritizes in men without knowing her fairly well.
despite what many men think, looks and money are not the only attributes, or even the most important attributes, that most women judge guys on.
it’s common to see attractive women with skinny, sloppy looking, or broke guys
on the surface, you may think, “what does she see in him?”
behind the scenes, however, he possesses whatever combination of qualities that she prizes, and often doesn’t embody herself.
For example, many well educated, high earning women were "nerds” or unpopular when they were younger.
Although the woman is now all grown up, she still envies the “cool” kids who skipped class to smoke weed and skateboard.
You may see this manifest as a corporate career woman who dates or marries a laid back guy with no career prospects and no intention of achieving any.
From the outside looking in, people question why such an ambitious, successful woman would be attracted to a “loser”.
However, the unemployed boyfriend’s easy going, laissez faire attitude is the perfect complement to the woman’s high strung Type A personality.
She’s attracted to, and envious of, the way he defies societal expectations and just “lives in the moment”.
Everyone else sees him as a slob.
She sees him as her way of finally being accepted by the “cool kids” from high school.
Hypergamy doesn’t always look like you think
Some other examples of a man satsiying hypergamy, even though it may not look like it on the outside are also
Social class (he’s from a wealthy or prominent family, she grew up poor)
Confidence (he’s brash and unapologetic, she’s meek and looks up to that quality in him)
Being popular (he has a big friend group, she’s always been a loner)
The good news here is that by understanding this concept, you can feel confident approaching any woman you want.
Never feel intimidated by a woman’s looks, career, or perceived social status.
You never know which of your qualities a woman would envy and idolize, if you gave her the chance.
Often, the one thing you’re transfixed on, her appearance, is something she finds boring or uninteresting about her.
She will often be much more impressed with aspects of your life that indicate risk taking or competence qualities.
She could be a gorgeous aspiring model, yet she envies that you’ve traveled and lived all over the world.
She’s well educated, but she loves that you are a talented musician or artist.
I’ve observed every combination of qualities, and experienced several myself: gorgeous women who were captivated by my writing, my ability to build things, or my adventures hiking in the wilderness.
I’m confident that you have several impressive hobbies or qualities about yourself that a woman would be riveted by, but you think are too boring to even mention in conversation.
As such, i recommend that you make the time to consider what it is about you that makes you interesting, impressive, or note worthy.
Once you have settled on 3- 5 key areas, exploit them ruthlessly.
the feeling of a woman sensing that you are better than her is what triggers attraction and desire.
You won’t know what is important to her until you find out first hand.
It’s not always money and looks, in fact, it usually isn’t, especially when the woman is very attractive herself.
Pepper your highlight reel into casual chats, and make attention to when women’s eyes light up, or they become curious about you and ask a question.
A few weeks ago, I approached two attractive mid-20s girls outside a cafe in a busy part of my town.
My opener was easy and chill
The three of us quickly fell into light hearted, playful teasing.
One of the women, a Latina yoga instructor, complimented my fashion, especially noticing my watch.
“I love your watch… is it vintage?”, she asked.
They both showered me with compliments on my style, were eager to exchange contact info and instagram.
Most men would have be terrified to cold approach two mid-20s highly attractive women.
I walked in swaggering like a rooster, because I know there are many things about me that women appreciate and enjoy.
And I was right.
in Conclusion
Forget about doing good deeds like a Boy Scout to win women over.
They don’t care, and it won’t help.
Instead, be BETTER than her, in all the ways that matter to that specific woman, and constantly remind her.
Press that value gap like a love button, because that’s exactly what it is.