The Perks of Being A Regular in Your Local Bar
I often go out to bars alone.
I like the freedom of rolling solo.
Usually, it’s a quieter night during the week. See my post “How to Go To Bars Alone and Be the Most Interesting Man in The Room”.
I bring a book I’m reading or a notepad to write my blog posts and ideas in.
Reading a book at a bar is classic introvert behavior. Ironically, people will usually start conversations with me MORE when I’m reading in public. It’s unusual.
Bar staff and other patrons approach me to ask about my book, and we’ll start chatting.
Free Beer
I’ve become friendly with the bar staff at a few establishments close to my place, which results in better treatment when I’m there and occasional freebies.
A bartender at one of my favorite spots once sat a whole, freshly poured, pitcher in front of me, free of charge.
A miscommunication behind the bar had resulted in the wrong order.
Rather than throw it out, they blessed me with the gift of free beer.
I’d showed up at the bar alone, but started chatting with an attractive blonde on a nearby seat.
She was a traveling nurse, new in town, and also at the bar alone. She joined me in polishing off the frothy beverage, as we laughed about the idiosyncrasies of life in Utah.
Hugging Bartenders
Earlier this week, I brought a date into the same watering hole. It was a Monday evening, a little after 9 pm.
There were a few souls at the bar, and another couple playing pool in the back. It was a typical mellow Monday night, exactly what I like.
The doorman checked my date’s license.
He offered a warm smile and waved me away when I offered my identification, “How are you doing, bud?”
He was wearing a wedding band on his finger, I hadn’t noticed it before. “Hey, I didn’t know you were married. Do you always wear a ring?”
We had a little chat, then my date and I headed off to get a drink.
Behind the bar, my usual bartender was polishing glasses. He’s a small framed, handsome guy of Mexican descent: olive complexion, dark eyes, jet black hair.
He has a fresh haircut which made him look more of the boyish lady killer than usual. “Look at this pretty boy!” I walked up to him with my arms outstretched for a hug. He flashed me a big smile back, and greeted me by name, “How you been man?”
We hugged. I introduced him to my date.
I love being “a regular” at a handful of spots in Salt Lake City, and being genuinely friendly with bar staff at those spots.
Preferential treatment and occasional free drinks are nice perks, but I value the human connection of friendly faces (when I feel like socializing) even more.
Social Proof
Dating experts teach that women consider “social proof”, a guy being popular, well-known, and well liked, as a sign of high status when dating.
For a lone wolf, like myself, this presents some challenges.
I spend a lot of evenings and weekends on my own (see my post “15 Ideas For Enjoying A Weekend Alone”). It’s fun for me to work on projects, write, and relax alone in my free time. However, I sometimes think that women see my solitude as either weird or low value.
I’m not willing to make a bunch of friendships and hanging out with people just to seem “high status” to women, but I think that walking into a trendy bar and getting greeted like the captain of the football team can’t hurt.
More importantly, it’s fun to go into spots and have friendly chats.
Here’s my guide to building a roster of spots where everybody knows your name, without spending a fortune tipping ridiculously.
Go on Slower Nights
Avoid civilians partying way too hard on Friday and Saturday nights, by stopping in for drinks earlier in the week: Sunday- Wednesday.
This isn’t to say I never go out on the weekend, just that I try to avoid it unless I’m really in the mood to turn all the way up.
Mellower nights are better for meeting people.
The crowd is smaller.
It’s easier to spark up a conversation with someone, and actually hear them speaking, than on frantic Saturdays, where you’d have to scream over the pumping music and the chatter.
You’re also able to chat the bartenders a bit.
If they’re up for it, they’ll chat to you.
On the slower nights, they’re more likely to be bored and interested in a conversation.
That’s how I got cool with Luis and the boys at the bar I mentioned earlier.
Have a routine
Bartenders work regular shifts and will likely be there the same nights every week.
If you have a regular night that you’re free in the evenings, start stopping in for a drink around the same time, on the same night.
My Sunday evenings are usually quiet.
I’ve hit the gym, tidied the house, prepped for the work week.
Rather than hole up in the house, I started bringing whatever I was reading to the local bar, being friendly with the staff, and people drinking nearby.
By the third Sunday, I was getting greeted by name. I don’t go every single Sunday, just often enough to be familiar.
Tip Well Always. Tip Extremely Well Occasionally
Contrary to popular belief on this, I don’t tip extravagantly just to get in good with bartenders.
Waving money around, to get people to be nice to you, screams of desperation. No one wants to feel bought, even though the friendliness is part of the service experience.
I always tip the fair amount: $1 per beer, minimum $2 per cocktail. (post-COVID inflation update: $2 per beer, $3- 4 per cocktail)
When I’m having a good time, or if I’ve been slipped a free drink (hard to do in Utah), I tip well to show my appreciation.
Reward the behavior you want to encourage, but not the exact same way every time.
In my earlier example, when Luis set the free pitcher in front of me, I tipped him an extra $10.
I had a awesome time that night, and ended up drinking with a fun, beautiful woman.
It made him happy and it was well worth it.
“The most powerful reinforcement of behavioral addiction is intermittent reward, e.g. gambling…
To keep someone interested in you, and even to make them obsessed with you, you must stay unpredictable”
-dating coach and author David DeAngelo. From Attraction is Not a Choice
Excellent book, by the way, for those interested in attraction, social dynamics, and social psychology. See my post "3 Books To Massively Improve Your Dating & Sex Life"
Mix it up.
Tipping too much all the time makes you seem like you’re trying to buy friends.
Don’t Be Annoying
The main reason why you don’t tip huge all time.
You’ll start to expect the bar staff to kiss your ass every time you walk in the door, and they’ll start to resent you for it.
Don’t be annoying just because you’re a regular and you (possibly) spend a lot of money in the establishment.
I’ll have 2- 3 beers, max, and head home.
That’s $20 a trip at the absolute most, healthy tip included.
People who drink higher priced liquor, order expensive shots, or fancy cocktails can rack up tabs approaching a monthly car note.
With that level of “investment”, I’ve often seen a sense of entitlement form in other bar regulars.
Don’t be that guy.
The bar staff is at work, to pay their bills, just like whatever you do to make a living.
Don’t make their work environment crappy by acting entitled to the discount they gave you last time, or expecting a free drink, etc.
In Conclusion
Be cool.
Be friendly.
Appreciate good service.
Reward it generously, intermittently.
That, and simple self respect should have you well on your way to being greeted by your first name like Norm in Cheers, stopping into the pub after a hard day’s work.
-Chance