How to Go to Bars Alone & Be The Most Interesting Man In The Room
I have a handful of acquaintances I can dial up to see if they want to grab a pint at any of the Salt Lake City’s local breweries.
We meet and catch up about their job, relationships, recent camping adventures.
However, sometimes I feel bored with the same old stories of sales meetings and cranky girlfriends.
In those cases, I choose to venture out on my own and get some strange, that is, rocking up to the bar on my own to meet someone new.
The purpose is to engage a friendly stranger in conversation, often learning something interesting about someone I would never have met otherwise.
This has never seemed difficult to me, but I realize that many people are terrified by the idea of showing up to a bar alone. You shouldn’t be.
I’ve met some of my closest friends by exchanging a friendly nod over at from a few bar stools away.
You wouldn’t think that showing up to the bar with a thick book, or a moleskin to scribble in would make you a magnet for interesting conversation, but it works like a charm every time.
Like most great inventions in history: WD-40, Viagra, the ice cream cone; I discovered this ground breaking life hack by accident.
I just wanted to grab a pint while delving into a captivating new book.
I figured it would make me look like a huge nerd, but I actually AM a huge nerd, so I shrugged it off.
At the bar, I ordered something nitro, and cracked the tome open.
A couple things happen when you do this in a bar:
You immediately look different, and more interesting, from everyone else on awkward Tinder first dates, or staring blankly at their phone.
When I read in bars, I notice everyone from the bartender to fellow patrons, craning their necks to read the title.
Once I pop my head up to take a sip of my beer, people jump at the chance to open a conversation with me:
“…Hey, what are you reading?”
It’s counterintuitive, and I’m surprised that it works well, consistently- but it does.
Using this strategy, I have met everyone from tattooed, muscled Marines to blonde traveling nurses.
I don’t expressly use this to meet women, but it’s inadvertently worked out that way several times.
Why It Works
The reading in public technique establishes you as someone who doesn’t care what other people think.
Most people couldn’t do it.
You look secure, confident, interesting, and, if the book is anything deeper than Dr. Seuss, intelligent.
Reading a book in a bar is “Alpha” as fuck.
(Just try not to laugh at that sentence.)
It’s a display of indifference that grabs people’s attention, like the extravagant plumage of a peacock.
It works for the same reason that Mystery’s pink feather boa and steampunk goggles did, during the early days of PUA; it’s the exact opposite of what people expect.
Once a curious on looker engages you in a chat, which they inevitably will, appearing interesting is easy.
Dale Carnegie cracked the code of appearing smart, likable, and funny over 80 years ago with his seminal book, (maybe you’ve heard of it…) How to Win Friends and Influence People.
The foolproof trick of getting someone to be interested in you, is, …wait for it: be interested in them.
"You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in you." -Dale Carnegie
Carnegie’s book was originally published in 1934, and is one of the best selling books in history, yet few people apply his foolproof methods.
Simply ask questions and genuinely listen.
Be curious about them. Offer the other person the gift of your attention.
Their self-absorption will do the rest.
Here are some of my favorite phrases, (again, this only works if you are genuine):
“Wow, I really like your watch [jacket/ necklace/ etc]. Where did you get it?”
(If they’re wearing a college or sports team logo) “Did you go to Florida A&M?”
“…Interesting accent, where are you from?” (Works on anybody no matter if they’re from Brooklyn or Bosnia.)
This works especially well with women.
The more you’re listening, the more she’s talking.
Her answers to your questions will give you material to keep the conversation going, if that’s what you want.
More important, the less you’re talking, the less chance you have of pissing her off with a comment or joke she doesn’t like.
Relationship expert Corey Wayne advised this in his book, How to Be a 3% Man:
“Most men talk women out of dating and sleeping with them…
Let a woman do 70- 80% of the talking.
…Ask questions she would enjoy answering".
Whether you’re talking to a beautiful blonde, or a tattooed Marine, (or both) people love confident, interesting people that are interested in them.
That’s all it takes.
-Solitary Beast