Loneliness Is A Cold Bitch

In the last 10 weeks since my breakup, I’ve joined a climbing club, started training Brazilian jiu jitsu, and created profiles on 3 different dating apps.

My strategy is to implement the advice from my recent article “The Key to Finding A Girlfriend In Your 40s”, and to stay as busy as possible.

I’ve swiped through hundreds of profiles.

Sent opening messages to dozens of women,

and got far enough to ask a few of them to meet up.

I ended up seeing only one woman, a cute blonde 10 years younger than me.

She has a quirky, fun personality, beautiful blue eyes, and seemed very interested in dating me.

However, physical attraction wasn’t there for me (she is a bigger girl).

We did seem to share an amiable chemistry. I asked her if we could be friends, and she agreed.

Transitions

The transition from feeling warmly embraced in a loving, supportive, fun relationship with a woman I adored, to the cold, impersonal act of swiping through strangers on my phone… has sucked, to say the least.

I don’t like being single.

I got accustomed to hearing a woman’s soft voice, smelling her hair, feeling her warm body wrapped around me.

I had already found the woman I wanted to spend time with, now I was spending nights alone, and searching for commonality in photos of a bunch of disembodied heads.

Ultimately, my breakup was mostly initiated by me, I pulled away due to things I didn’t like in now my ex-girlfriends life situation.

I second guess that decision every second of almost every day.

Cliche Advice Doesn’t Work

None of the typical (unhelpful) platitudes have helped.

I have friends, all of whom have careers, children, and their own girlfriends or wives.

Great guys, but they really don’t have time to hang out more than once or twice a month.

I have plenty of hobbies that bring me excitement and joy.

It’s all cope- in comparison to being curled up on the couch, watching Top Chef, with my girlfriend cuddled close to me.

I shamed guys that get fat and soft in relationships with women; now i get it.

Hanging out with a romantic partner is more fulfilling than almost anything else you could be doing.

That’s why men in relationships often start ignoring their friends, quit weight training, and completely stop doing the activities they used to do for fun.

(Ironically, having hobbies and friends is even more important in a relationship, where the woman is still constantly evaluating you, and deciding if she can do better.)

A woman that “loves” you, still needs to see you maintain friendships with other men, who esteem you highly.

She needs to miss you.

Her sex will be hotter and dirtier when you return from a weekend camping trip with your buddies, than if you sprawled across the couch watching sports Friday through Sunday.

Conclusion

Being single sucks.

I used to enjoy it, or at least be able to make the best of it.

However, compared to being in a relationship with my version of a 7 or 8/10 woman, who treated me like a king (affectionate, encouraging, supportive, passionate, loving, etc.), being on my own is like being exiled in Siberia.

I don’t even want that specific woman back, I just want to get another intelligent, fun, super sexy girlfriend that is crazy about me.

Life is about giving and recieving love.

Nothing else matters.