5 Surprises From Dating A 40 Year Old Feminist

A year ago, I briefly dated a 43 year old feminist.

We met in my front yard.

At the time, I hosted a guest room on Airbnb.

She hopped out of a ride share service, friendly and smiling.

Though I could tell she was a little older, my new guest was petite, fit, and attractive, with green-gray eyes and thick wavy hair.

She was visiting the United States from Europe.

Although I’m familiar with the feminist archetype, I don’t personally know many women that fit the stereotype, beyond more than a few brief encounters with screaming, blue-haired killjoys through friend groups.

Several of the women I’ve dated, have been “feminist adjacent” on the surface, but behind closed doors, they craved the security of safely established, age old gender roles in a romantic relationship.

In my personal experience, the louder a woman screamed about “equality” in front of her friends, the rougher and more domineering she wanted me to be in bed.

Previous Experiences With Feminists

I once dated a SMOKING HOT, radical feminist from Sweden.

“Radical feminist” for real: she was vegan, did roller derby, went on long, theatrical diatribes about “The Patriarchy.”

This was ten years ago, when topics we call “woke” right now were only being discussed on university campuses and blogged about on Tumblr.

I had know idea what my vegan roller derby activist was ranting about, but she was blonde, leggy, and willing to have sex with me.

I listened intently and nodded as she spoke.

She was also tall, with long legs and big, gorgeous ice blue eyes.

Along with milky skin, and hair so blonde it was almost white- she was everything you would expect on a typical Scandinavian.

They really do all look like this.

From my family’s home in Atlanta, Georgia, I traveled 10 hours by plane to Sweden, to visit her city.

As soon as we entered her Malmø apartment, I pulled her into bed.

Kissing passionately in a bedroom stacked full of books and plaster with posters about women’s rights, she pulled out a HUGE bull whip made of “upcycled” bicycle inner tubes (of course).

She leaned into in my ear and moaned how “hot” it would be if I slapped her with it.

I was shocked.

At the time, my blonde bombshell was the most beautiful woman I’d ever been with.

I was completely in love.

The LAST thing I wanted to do was hit her.

An added concern that I was a Black American in a foreign country, with a woman so fair she would have bruised if I breathed on her too hard.

I flatly refused.

There’s no way I was going out like that.

In my previous experiences with women who claimed to be “feminists”, they were using it as a personality trait or a hobby, like people who do Crossfit, or are really passionate about BitCoin.

My 40 year old feminist was my first time interacting with a woman who seemed to really believe in feminist propanda, at least the parts that benefitted her.

Older Women

Despite what some nerds in the Manosphere claim, women can be very attractive at all ages.

I feel that the fixation on barely legal women is due to two factors:

First, overconsumption of pornography.

Porn creates unrealistic expectations of women in men, in the same way that romance novels and movies create unrealistic expectations in women, although that is talked about much less.

Second, crowing about “The Wall” can be somewhat of a cope for men that have felt abused or overlooked by women. See my post, “5 Biggest Red Pill Copes” for more on that.

“The Wall” certainly exists, but its existence, and effects, are often overstated.

Being over age 30-35 doesn’t mean that a woman can’t get a man AT ALL, she just has a much harder time competing for, the type of men she WANTS, especially for anything more than casual sex.

A family friend in her 60s (stylish, pretty, and a former beauty queen) still goes on dates and has men taking her out.

However, she does (loudly) complain that the men that pursue her now aren’t as handsome, tall, or successful, as men that used to chase her when she was younger.

The handsome, affluent men that she would like to date, have access to younger women.

This is also why you’ll hear women in their 40s “bragging” about being approached by younger men in their 20s.

The compliments are an ego boost, but few 40-something year old women are really interested in a much younger man.

Young men haven’t had time to build the financial stability, career success, and social status that all women feel drawn to.

Women need to feel that they can “look up to” a man to feel real attraction for him.

She must feel that the man is better than her: taller, wealthier, higher social status, in order to feel the highest level of attraction.

Remember that in Disney movies, the handsome Prince plucks the lowly, orphaned milkmaid from the drudgery of her boring life.

He elevates her status, not the other way around.

Statistics show that most women are most attracted to men 1-2 years within their own age, even slightly older, but never more than 2-3 years younger.

I’ve dated older women a couple of times over the years.

For example, I was in a relationship with a full grown woman of 30 for over a year, when I was 19, still in college, living at home, begging my dad for gas money.

I would slide over to her house after she got off late shifts as a nurse, and let her rock my world.

I learned a lot from that woman and she was thrilled to have a young stud in her bed.

I later had a serious girlfriend that was 29 when I was 21.

On our first date, I lied and said I was 26, although I did come clean after a few weeks.

We were together for 4 years, bought a house and dog together.

Older women are often a great match for younger men.

Women can teach you a lot of important lessons: about yourself, about human nature, and about women- not to mention the circus tricks veteran older women can perform in bed.

Older women have had more experience, and know more acrobatics.

They also understand that they are less desirable than younger women who are their competition for male attention, so they employ sexual acrobatics to compensate.

A win for you, if you choose to date older women.

Back to my feminist girlfriend.

She was 43, but looked slightly younger.

Born in the Middle East, she was blessed with the trim, athletic body of a former competitive gymnast, and smooth, olive complexion.

When we met, I was 36. I was surprised to find she was over 40.

Our short relationship had all the makings of a love story: cosmopolitan European woman meets a simple, small town American boy on a summer holiday.

Like all relationships, I learned a many valuable lessons during my entanglement with a sexy older woman.

Here are some things that surprised me.

1. She didn’t want to admit being a feminist.

   In fact, she outright denied it early in our relationship. Early on, she made a questionable statement, to which I inquired, half laughing “…wait, are you a feminist?”

   She stammered, hemmed, and hawed, something about “stereotypes”, and “not believing in labels”.

   Of course, this woman had all the typical politics you’d expect from an educated, progressive, “career woman” in a big city.

   She cried over Greta Thurnberg and had a crush on Justin Trudeau.

   She unironically worshipped Barack Obama- exactly as all bugmen of the insect colonies we call metropolitan areas are indoctrinated to do.
   All this, yet she denied feminist ideology like a wayward disciple denying Jesus.

   My feminist girlfriend was nice at first.

   However, over time, her true colors started to show. The sweet, fun woman I met revealed a shrill, controlling, opinionated harpy underneath.

2. She still wanted children

   Women have a limited time to act on their imperatives for children and family, she had every right to be posing those types of questions.

   However, as she was already into her 40s, it seemed “too little, too late” to even matter.
   My feminist girlfriend looked great for her age, but was already 43 when we met. If we dated a year, got engaged, then married, she would be FORTY-FIVE before starting to even try for children.

   Despite what you see celebrities, and teams of expensive doctors pull off on television, a woman in her mid-40s is FIFTEEN YEARS past the point where her fertility began to decline.

   A 43 year old woman is old enough to have a DAUGHTER who needs to be getting serious about finding a mate and having children, if she wants them before her fertility nose dives at age 30.

3. She tried to “vet” me

   To her credit, my feminist girlfriend didn’t try to withhold sex for some predetermined period of time.

   After high school, there is no reason to take such a woman seriously.

   We are humans, and humans that are attracted to each other have sex.

   I would never tolerate or entertain a woman that tried to use her sexuality as a bargaining chip, like a street vendor at a flea market. Nothing would be more unattractive.

   So, we had sex naturally, and often.

   She was a sensuous, adventurous lover who did everything she could think of to please me.

   The “vetting” part came later, asking questions like":

   “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

   sitting across from me with her legs crossed, and a serious look on her face.

   Women think they are being slick with this “vetting” strategy, but I could smell her detective work a mile away.

   It was unattractive, and a huge turn off to feel like I was being evaluated, like a racehorse, by a woman who was obviously looking for a buzzer beater bailout.

   The “vetting” vibe turns a romantic evening into a job interview.

   To her credit, my feminist girlfriend waited until we were well into getting to know each other to break out the provider conversation

4. She turned bitter FAST when things didn’t work out

   This entire relationship spanned just four short months, and it was mostly long distance. We met in my small flyover state during her American vacation, then spent a long weekend together on the Pacific Coast before she flew back to Europe. We talked via WhatsApp and video chat every day, then I traveled to her country to spend a week together.

   Despite my reservations, I might have tried dating her seriously if she lived in the same city, or even the same country. However, the distance, the cultural differences, and our age gap was too much to overcome.

   On paper, we were only 6 years apart in age. However, as I’ve written about extensively before, however, our options at the time, and going forward, were worlds apart. See my post “Why Men In Their 30s Are Still Single”.

   As a man in his mid-30s, I am JUST NOW pulling it together in terms of career, my body, and my skills with women. I’m just starting to take off.

   As a woman (even an attractive, smart, career woman) in her FORTIES, her future prospects would be very different going forward.

   I liked my feminist girlfriend very much, but seven hour time difference, and the distance, along with her being controlling and bitchy, started to wear on me.

   My attention waned, and the relationship fizzled.

   The horns came out quick.

   A woman who was previously talking about raising children together called me every name in the book, including the N word, “faggot”, anything she could think of to hurt me.

   She brought up sensitive family secrets, in a last ditch effort to wound me for “wasting her time”.

   They say, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, and nothing could be more correct.

5. She was actually very sweet

   She kissed me first.

   She sent me handwritten love notes, photos of us, and small, thoughtful gifts.

   She even sent a care package of treats to my dog.
   When things were good between us, my feminist girlfriend was a loving, caring, romantic, soft-hearted partner. She was fun, adventurous, and open.

   Deep into The Red Pill and the Manosphere at the time; I hadn’t figured out the right balance of caring and romantic, with charming asshole just yet. I held back a lot, trying to hard to seem “Alpha” and project the all-important “indifference” that is catnip to women.

   I’d spent the previous few months getting used by a woman I liked a lot for Nice Guy favors and free attention.

   While I learned from that mistake, but I overcorrected, and came off as mean more often than not.

   I treat every experience as a lesson. I talked about this idea in my post Treat Your Life Like An Experiment.

   I view everything as an opportunity to gather data. I use all feedback, good and bad, to correct course and improve. You should too.

   My relationship with my feminist girlfriend taught me what not to do in terms of being uncaring.

   With my current girlfriend, I know how to walk the line between showing some emotion, and not being a pushover.

In Conclusion

All relationships, in fact, all experiences, are an opportunity to learn and grow.
My relationship with a sexy 43 year old feminist, I learned a lot about myself, women, and people.

The most important thing I learned was to balance the Red Pill knowledge, with enough sweetness and softness to appeal to a woman’s emotions, and women are ALL emotions.

-Solitary Beast