5 Things Men Can Learn From "Female Dating Strategies"
My first post exploring Female Dating Strategies did numbers: racking up 5X (and growing) the monthly page views of the next highest ranking post, which was “15 Best Hobbies For Introverts”.
Since that post was so popular, I’m back to explore another angle on the FDS phenomenon with this one.
Men have a lot to learn about women, relationships, and masculinity.
Most men will disagree with many of the opinions in the FDS community, but we can’t deny that it is simply the views of women responding to the current state of the world in terms of dating and relationships. You can argue that it’s being socially engineered, a spontaneous, natural occurrence, or a mixture of both.
However, it’s undeniable that the modern approach to relationships and sex has changed more within the last 30- 50 years than at any time in previous history of our country. I’ll even say that relationships and sex changed dramatically over just the last 5- 7 years, as swipe apps flooded the market, and online became the main way that people connected.
It’s interesting, if not powerful, to understand women’s experiences in the dating market.
At 37, I’ve learned many of these lessons about female nature the hard way, through experience and hard knocks. Reading FDS is the experience of being a fly on the wall as women commiserate about men, relationships, and themselves.
Women understand that sex is their most important tool in manipulating men.
In his seminal book, The Rational Male (a must read), Rollo Tomassi wrote this bold claim:
“Sexuality is a woman’s first, best agency"
I’ll go a step further and state that sexuality is a woman’s ONLY agency in wielding power over men. The strong, independent Queens of FDS acknowledge this with the fundamental FDS principle.
In fact, it’s the only actual “dating strategy” on the site.
Despite the propaganda promoted in feminist movies, men are physically much bigger and stronger than women, and men consistently outperform women on IQ tests, college placement exams, and in technical fields like science, engineering, and math.
In fact, women now attend and graduate from college at higher rates than men in the US, yet they STILL earn less, spend more, and have lower net worths and higher debt than men who didn’t even go to college.
The Only Card In The Deck
Women have less physical strength, less emotional stability, and less money than men. For women, sex is the only card in the deck.
FDS core principle is that they attempt to withhold sexual intimacy for “2- 3 months, or until a commitment is established.”
They offer no explanation of why an attractive man with ANY other options would patiently wait around for this.
A woman will brag on and on about her career,
credit score,
and college GPA,
but when it gets down to securing commitment from a man, she resorts to controlling the ONE and ONLY asset she can offer to men:
sexual intimacy.
This amounts to an acceptance of women as sexual objects, and positions her body as the only thing of value to men. It’s demeaning of women to believe that withholding their sexuality is the only method to get a man to commit, as other factors are also involved: for example a warm personality, feminine charm, a sweet, loving manner.
Such a position is demeaning not only to women, but also to men as well.
Modern women, with all their accomplishments and accolades, are using the same playbook that their grandmothers used during the Great Depression, keeping their legs closed.
The FDS principle of withholding sex goes against everything taught by feminism and woman’s rights movement, it even contradicts statements made on Female Dating Strategies, which I posted in my previous article on the community.
It doesn’t make sense to employ sex as leverage if a woman doesn’t look good enough to make having sex with her desirable. FDS offers no advice to women on improving their physical appearance or personality to be more attractive to men.
2. Women use childish name-calling to insulate themselves from rejection.
The US military used this during Viet Nam, referring to the opposing Viet Cong soldiers as “Charlie” and other negative insults. Using in-group slang, which outsiders wouldn’t be familiar with, also creates a sense of camaraderie and unity within a group. Using specific in-group terms also allows members of subgroups to vet each other.
Hurt people use insults to dehumanize the source of those hurt feelings. It creates a feeling of power, and sense of retaliation, as well as a mental barrier that protects the individual who was hurt.
FDS is riddled with bitter posts from women mocking men for being short, or bald, possibly bad in bed, along with the overplayed trump card ALL women will pull out when everything else fails:
“He probably has a small dick!”
So much for “body positivity”.
A man’s height, and hair are determined only by his genetics.
He can stand 5’6, or 6’5.
I knew men who lost their hair in their early 20s, and I’ve known men that died in their 80s with a full head of hair.
No man can control either of these factors. Additionally, a man’s height or hairline are no indication of his discipline, his ambition, or his character.
The same women who will disparage a man for being under 6 foot (as 86% of American men are), will turn around and applaud an overweight, single mother with multiple children as a “Queen”, even though both those things are completely the result of a woman’s poor choices.
Having children out of wedlock, and being obese, are indicators of poor planning, lack of discipline, and lack of self-control.
The welfare mentality of Female Dating Strategies wants something for nothing, a “High Value Man” with money and a great body, even if the woman is fat, broke, and raising other men’s children.
3. Only 3% of men understand women.
Women of FDS have some valid complaints about men acting weak, being addicted to pornography, failing to lead. I’m going to be honest and admit that these are common problems that I have dealt with in my life, and challenges that all modern men have to learn to overcome.
As my mentor Coach Corey Wayne said, “Only about 3 out of 100 men know what they’re doing with women”.
That’s why it’s so easy to stand out as a desirable man- No one else is even trying.
An attractive man is extremely rare these days. Women have to sort through slim pickings: guys who are overweight, underemployed, unconfident, addicted to porn, or worse.
Feminized Men
In the US today, the majority of men grow up without a father in the home. Even if they did, after years of marriage and a couple kids, many husbands and fathers are reduced to becoming defeated beta males.
At school, the overwhelming majority of elementary and high school teachers are female. Participation in male focused activities such as Boy Scouts and team sports has been declining for a generation. Many men simply do not have a positive male role model to emulate.
Media Programming
In addition, television, movies, and popular music present a twisted picture of male and female gender roles. Television shows and commercials consistently portray the overweight, hapless dad as a man-child who needs his wife to help him operate the dishwasher. The mom is depicted as the strong, smart, head of household.
Romantic movies program men into thinking that women will eventually realize she really does love the weak, wispy guy that’s too nervous to even talk to her. At the end of these movies, the beautiful girl somehow ends up in the arms of the skinny, anxiety ridden nerd. The music crescendos as they kiss dramatically while the credits roll. Men are being indoctrinated to act like women.
Of course, this results in feminine behavior, such as acting emotionally weak, impulsive, and not knowing how to show up as a strong, centered man in a relationship.
Under these circumstances, women, especially Black women who make up an obvious majority of the community’s users, have every right to be frustrated.
Within the Black American community, highly educated women are even more likely to be disheartened by their options.
Black men, on average earn more than Black women. Also, there are more Black men enrolled in colleges than currently incarcerated. However, a decent looking brother with some amount of career success and basic life skills is apparently extremely rare enough that there are not enough to go around.
I didn’t comprehend this until my last relationship ended and hit the dating market after a 4 year absence, at age 34. By that time, I had a solid career, owned a home, drove a well maintained car, kept myself well groomed and fit.
I’d invite women on dates, and pay.
I’d ask them back to my house, which is a nice, but not extravagant.
I’d call them a day or two after we had sex to set up another date.
These actions seemed basic to me, but women would act incredibly impressed by me having my own place, having a car, and calling them after sex. I was flattered by the positive attention, but honestly it’s sad when a 30 year old woman is impressed that I have my own house. Apparently, a rare trait in men, especially Black men, today.
In that respect, as I said before, I empathize with FDS.
I concede that modern women probably do need to “vet” men to make sure they’re dealing with a functioning adult before they get their emotions involved.
4. Thirty years of feminism and gender equalism haven’t changed what men are physically attracted to.
Plenty of memes and posts on Female Dating Strategies attempt to shame men for prefering young, slim, beautiful women. Members of the community cackle about “scrotes” and “moids”, but that doesn’t change the reality.
They also want to deny what everyone can see with there own eyes, many young women DO date and get into relationships with older men. This has been happening since high school. Freshman and sophomore women dated senior boys. As seniors, those young women had a boyfriend at a nearby college, and so on.
Women are not happy in relationship unless she feels she can look up to the man. Women don’t date down in status, which explains why fat welfare queens on Female Dating Strategies think they can date stockbrokers and doctors with abs.
She wants him to have a more prestigious career, more money, higher social standing, and even be physically taller than her.
Yes, some men pursue women their same age, or even older, that happens much less often. I have dated several women older than me, which I will one day write about here.
Women of FDS have nothing better to do than post in online forums all day because men are not asking them: older, out of shape, opinionated women, on dates.
5. Women would rather revel in comforting lies and propaganda, than face the unsettling truth.
Female Dating Strategies has the ability to reach the younger generation of women and teach them from their own mistakes. Instead of fake celebrating being single and living with dozens of cats, they could help younger women by warning them to take the best advantage of their youth and beauty by getting a man while they are at their prime, if that’s what they want.
Rather than admit their errors, they “YAASSS KWEEN!!” each other to death, claiming to somehow be happy being single, and in some cases, childless, in their 30s and 40s.
A woman’s youth and beauty is currency in the dating market. She gets her best pick of men when she is young, period. This is backed up by study after study, but women will still kick and scream.
In the US, the average age women get married is 26. Rates go down every year after age 30, and flatline after 35. Men that want to get married do it when they are young, marrying their high school or college girlfriend soon after graduation.
It’s important for women to get married when they are young, because less men want to get married these days. Her best chance is right around her mid-20s. If she waits past that, she will become another bitter statistic, complaining about “scrotes” on FDS.
Successful men that choose to get married select younger women. For example, when I talked about marriage with a former girlfriend, I was in my early 30s, and she was 25.
I will point out here that I am from a religious, Southern family.
Three of my four sisters were married, with at least one child by the time they were 21, to men they knew in high school. My brother married his college girlfriend a year after they graduated.
Getting married young isn’t a guarantee that everything will work out, but it’s better than being a mid-30s single mom thumbing through dating sites, blaming her lack of matches on men being “intimidated” by her career.