Life Isn't Fair
Recently I had a post on X gain some traction, a few like, two dozen reposts, and several bookmarks.
The post was a reblog of an article I penned about how you have (almost) zero control over any of the important aspects that will define the trajectory of your life.
Society will treat you a certain way if you’re tall, handsome, and intelligent.
Bonus points if you happen to be white, male, able bodied, and born into a family that could provide a rigorous education, and good dental care.
These are tremendous advantages, and life is easier for people who have them, than it is for people who don’t.
Factors that many people never think about:
-growing up in a family with two parents
-living with parents who weren’t addicted to drugs or alcohol
-speaking English as a first language, and without an accent
-a middle class, or better lifestyle and opportunities (suburbs, good schools, summer camps, piano lessons)
-being at least average height, as a male
all influence the way you will be able to move through life.
Studies, and common sense, show that people who are well spoken, well adjusted, and good looking, do better in their careers, enjoy more friendships, live longer, and get more chances, with more, and more attractive women.
Chads
A year ago, when I wrote the initial article “Why You Have No Control Over Your Life”, I was just riffing.
Today, as I write this, I have a specific archetype in mind when I compare my background, as someone with fewer external advantages, to men I have met who seem to have been blessed with “the total package:
loving, stable parents, good social connections, tall, educated, and handsome.
Everything seems easier for them.
They seem happier, get more opportunities, do better in life, have more women interested in them,… and it all seems effortless.
I observe these men with a mixture of curiosity and envy.
When I’m around them, I understand why women are so naturally attracted to “Chads”.
It’s not just looks and height, although obviously that’s a big deal.
Chad-type guys, on top of being handsome, also have better jobs. They went to good colleges, played sports, have a ton of friends. Their parents own boats and lake houses.
Chads are confident and emotionally healthy, unencumbered by childhood trauma or neglect. The biggest sob story of a Chad is the one time his dad had to work late and missed the first three innings of his state championship high school baseball game.
Real Chads grew up in stable, cohesive families. They dream of being traditional husbands and fathers.
When women fantasize about marrying a good looking, successful man, it’s way deeper than some lines and “game” you can learn on the internet.
It’s a whole lifestyle, background, and way of carrying yourself.
It’s about social class, genetics, and dozens of previous generations making sacrifices and wise decisions, with very little room for error.
In this sense, your destiny is decided before you ever take your first breath.
Now What
There’s always going to be someone with (what you perceive) to have been dealt a “better” hand than you.
The 6’2 guy with the successful self made lawyer dad envies his buddy that’s a few inches taller and comes from a long line of snobby blue bloods.
There’s no end to “more” and “better”.
What if, instead, we focused on all the blessings of being alive, healthy (if you are), able to read, with access to the internet. Most of us reading this are in perfectly climate controlled environments, in safe first world countries, with luxuries at our fingertips that kings in previous centuries couldn’t dream of.
I won’t get sappy talking about being thankful for running water and a warm bed at night.
I’ll just say that, if you look for things in your life to be amazed by, and grateful for, you’ll find them.
Most of us are incredibly fortunate, whether everything has gone perfectly in our lives, or not.
The only person who can choose what to focus on, is you.