Go Out More Than You Stay In
“If you’ve been feeling a little sad, or a little crazy lately, it’s because you haven’t been getting out much… Go out four nights a week, stay home three. Go out more than you stay in”
These are the wise words of the most legendary pickup artist alive, Mystery, aka Erik Von Markovich.
I was lazily watching old PUA videos on Youtube.
When I heard this sage wisdom, I sat up in my chair, stopped the video, and played it back.
Like almost all (good) life advice, Mystery’s guidance is ridiculously obvious.
Humans are social creatures, even us self-proclaimed “Solitary Beasts” need to be out in the world, interacting with others, at least as often as we stay home.
In his classic book, The Mystery Method, well deserved to be known as “The Bible” of Pick Up, he writes:
“You’re designed for social dynamic interaction; your brain is hard wired for you to be a social robot”
For men that do pick up, getting out into the world is essential to keeping the sword sharp.
Despite the fact that I’ve written at length about sugar dating as a means to meet attractive women, I recently fell in love with the art of approach game.
Sugar dating is a juicy, self-indulgent past time, but I noticed, as I’ve written about before, that even dealing with women in that context requires an understanding of female psychology, attraction skills, aka “Game”.
Communicating with other human beings, especially women, is an art form, regardless of whether you pay directly or not.
I found that women have a superhuman ability to sense if you’re comfortable and confident interacting with women, and they use this information to evaluate how much respect and attraction to feel toward you.
Women are constantly assessing how other women respond to men, and treating those men accordingly.
This phenomenon is one of the reasons why many women will flock toward the small number of men that have high status within a social group: the manager at a job, the star quarterback, the popular local DJ or bartender.
Status, pre-selection, and social proof are crucially important to women.
This is completely different to the way men feel attraction, and as a result, a lot of men miss out on this critically important attraction trigger.
Just by leaving his house, making friends, and growing a social circle, a man can become more attractive to women in 3 months, than he would by spending years in the gym.
We complain about women being solipsistic, but men are also guilty of seeing the world only through from our own vantage point.
Physical beauty is often the Most Important characteristic to men in sexual attraction.
While women obviously respond to handsome, muscular guys, (especially on dating apps) their brains are wired to feel attraction on many more factors than biceps and abs. (Thank God.)
Mystery writes,
“The attraction circuits of women are calibrated to find a man attractive not measured primarily by handsomeness or physique but rather by social value”
The reason why it’s important to go out a lot, is to establish and increase your social value in your community.
When I say, “Go out more than you stay in”, I don’t just mean hanging around bars and clubs, awkwardly approaching unassuming women, like the exaggerated fuzzy hat pick up artists from the early 00s.
Create A Weekly Schedule
Go out, in the sense of becoming a part of social groups that relate to your interests, whatever those are, then finding ways to establish leadership in those groups. See my post, “Chasing Women Doesn’t Work, And What Does”
Create a weekly schedule of activities that get you out of the house, and off the internet.
You have a better chance of meeting interesting, attractive women by being out in the world than on your couch swiping.
When you meet women who have boyfriends, or don’t reciprocate your interest, befriend them.
They’ll have friends, sisters, female co-workers, etc. who would love to meet an interesting, popular, friendly guy like you.
For men that are busy with demanding jobs, or children, do the best you can.
I’ve heard of hard-working men who go out gaming on their lunch break because they’re swamped with commitments in the evening.
Unless you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or a single father of 5, you have at least one or two evenings a week to get out of the house for a few hours.
Most men reading this, bachelors who have all the free time in the world outside of work, could do an event every night of the week if they chose to.
Some guys want to create the type of life they dream of, some guys want to leave bitter comments on butthurt Youtube videos, and stay exactly where they’re standing, year after year, living a life they hate.
If you’ve read this far, you’re probably in the first cohort.
This is my current weekly calendar is a weekly schedule filled with social gatherings of all different flavors.
Schedule
Monday: English language volunteering/ Motown dance party
Tuesday: Indoor soccer men’s team
Wednesday: free
Thursday: Latin dance practice
Friday: go out approaching
Saturday: free
Sunday: pick up soccer in the morning/ indoor soccer coed team in the evening
My schedule is made up of events that reflect my interests and things I enjoy doing, not just Places to Meet Women, although that is important.
The point is socializing for the fun of interacting with other Earthlings, practicing my social skills: listening, demonstrating empathy, sharing laughs, creating rapport, and yes, creating attraction and comfort with women.
In my post, “Chasing Women Doesn’t Work, And What Does”, I quote author Devin Stone who wrote, “Dating is a social activity”.
If you’re interested in increasing the amount of dates, sex, and women in your life, it’s possible.
Millions of men have successfully attained this before you.
Many of them have written about how they accomplished this, myself included.
My advice is to focus on increasing your social skill set, while specifically being intentional on improving your communication with women.
Both are important, and feed off one another.
The Virtuous Cycle
Being social increases the number of women you will meet.
Having social value makes you more attractive to those women.
Building a social and seduction skill set is how you create relationships and sex with said women.
Rinse and repeat.
Conclusion
The more I learn about life, myself, and other human beings, the more appreciative I feel for this brief experience of consciousness on our planet.
Life is short, and the clock is ticking.
You only have so many days to wake up healthy, with your heart beating and your dick hard.
Get out there and experience everything.
Get an idea of the type of life you want: beautiful women, lots of friends, a body, a business, a family… whatever you can imagine.
If I could give it to you, I would.
I can’t, and you wouldn’t appreciate something that came so easily anway.
Create a weekly schedule and start trying whatever seems interesting to you.
Some things you’ll try once, and dislike.
You don’t have to do them again.
Some things you’ll instantly love.
Do those more.
What are you waiting for?