How Forgiving Others Helps You Forgive Yourself: The Power of Ho' O Pono Pono
I haven’t written about it here, but a month ago I attended an Neuro Linguistic Programming seminar in Austin, Texas.
The event was enlightening, eye opening, and paradigm shifting.
Through this training, I was introduced to a concept that instantly changed my life.
On the second day of the seminar, leader Dr. Matt James taught the group an ancient forgiveness technique from indigenous Hawaiian culture.
In this technique, we visualized people in our lives, who we feel have wronged or hurt us.
While concentrating on this visualization, we speak to the person, starting with an apology.
”I’m sorry” we said to the images of people from our pasts that we feel had offended us.
Then, a plea for compassion, “Please forgive me”.
Holding the (supposed) transgressor in our minds, we express gratitude “Thank you”.
Finishing with communicating warm appreciation, “I love you”.
The Difference That Makes The Difference
The biggest difference since adopting this technique was the feeling of being released from resentments and grudges that I had been stubbornly holding on to for years.
The beauty of this simple practice is that it reminds me of my shared oneness with every other being.
I realized that the separateness created by holding on to old hurts, is an illusion.
Ultimately, there is no separate “me” and no separate “them”.
We’re all connected.
“I’m Sorry”
Through apologizing, I feel empowered by painful memories, instead of victimized.
Taking responsibility in a situation is always the most important action you can take.
Instead of a “poor me” who felt rejected, neglected, or wronged, I stepped into a new identity as an active participant in my life, by saying two simple words.
“I Love You”
Just saying these words, or visualizing myself expressing this to someone who I had previously been angry towards, felt so freeing.
Over the weeks since I’ve learned this technique, I have done this with family members, former friends, women who rejected me, and co-workers that have annoyed me.
The energy of feeling love, compassion, and empathy towards the person has reverberated through my whole life.
The transformation has been beautiful.
I feel lighter, calmer, and more present.
I’m no longer remembering feelings of anger, shame, or resentment.
Forgiving Yourself
Anything you do regularly becomes a habit.
Your habits define who you are.
Since I’m forgiving everyone all the time, I became conscious of the grudges and judgements I had been holding against myself.
The realization that I had been profoundly angry with myself, for years, about things that I wish I had done differently, or better, hit me like a stack of bricks.
The most important person who needed an apology, absolution, gratitude, and love, was myself.
Freedom
Through forgiving others, letting go of harsh words, neglect, or injury, real or imagined, I became able to forgive myself.
I became free.
Who can you forgive?